What were key lessons learned and insights integrated throughout this journey?

 

Follow the breadcrumbs

 

Your network is a byproduct of curiosity. There are always going to be breadcrumbs in your life that you can follow. Whether it’s an event that someone mentions, some person you find online, or groups that seem interesting to you, there’s always something to explore. Create a habit of following up with those people so you don’t let those breadcrumbs rot and decompose.

 

The tiniest triggers in the moment are usually the most monumental moments

 

Whether it was the instance of meeting Brian at the YMCA or taking a chance on a conference I knew no one at, those moments looking back are pivotal plot points in my story. The thing is you can’t tell how large those moments are in the moment. So don’t discount any interaction you have. They may be your future client, business partner, life partner, close friend, coach, or anyone else you want to surround yourself with.

 

Your self-identification and title opens doors

 

One of the ways I identify myself and others identify me is as a podcast host. When I reach out to people to have a conversation, there is more legitimacy when I say I’m a podcast host. It’s a way to get my foot in the door in various places that I may not have otherwise. Another title is Entrepreneur / CEO / Life Coach. These titles have allowed me to introduce myself in a different way than if I had just remained a Marketing Manager. Others can relate to me in a different capacity. Yet another one is writer. Back in the summer of 2021, I was journaling at Optimist Hall, a food hall in Charlotte. It’s a pretty public space in which you can people watch but also private enough to zone in on your work. I would usually go once every couple weeks. But no one would come up to me. One time though, a lady came up to me and asked “Are you a writer?” Hesitantly, I answered “Uh not really. This is just my journal.” We chatted for a bit after that and she showed me her book that was published on Amazon. Reflecting on the interaction, I thought “Why didn’t I say I’m a writer? I have a published blog. I write pretty much every day. Okay from now on, I’m going to include ‘writer’ in how I introduce myself.” And that has made tons of difference. Identifying as a writer, I confidently went into the November 2023 Writers Conference and met other fantastic writers. It didn’t feel like impostor syndrome because 1) I had put in the work of actually writing and 2) self-identified as that.

 

Knowing yourself better aligns your social circles

 

Starting in 2020, my constant practice of journaling has allowed me to process my thoughts and feelings. I’ve better understood my beliefs, the interpretations of my childhood experiences, others actions, my own emotions, and lots more. I understand myself and intentionally love myself more than I ever had before. Just that knowledge of the self has accelerated the addition and subtraction of the right people in my life.

 

Physical alignment also aligns your social circles (and the rest of your life)

 

When I worked with Mason as my chiropractor, I thought “I don’t really have any back pain, I don’t need this.” Usually though, time will reveal the foolishness of my ignorance. But as I got adjustments 2-3 times a week, I realized coaching was more in alignment with who I was and 2ULaundry was less in alignment at this stage of my life. I can’t prove that was the cause of me leaving, but I definitely felt more aligned in making that decision.

 

Understand in which settings you best connect with people

 

For me, I connect best with people in a one-on-one setting. This wasn’t something I necessarily knew inherently but after experimentation. I found myself gaining energy when I’d have a deep 2 hour conversation. Yet many times in social environments of 10, 20, 50 people, I would be a bit socially awkward or feel lost. I’ve gotten better at the latter types of situations. However now, I view those larger settings as the top of a funnel. The top of the funnel is one-to-many environments. The bottom of the funnel is my ideal interaction environment: one-on-one.

 

During those larger events, you may only be able to talk for a few minutes. So it’s tougher to open up about things that you normally would in a more intimate setting. So I ask myself “Is this someone I want to get to know more?” If yes, then I ask for their contact, reach out to them shortly thereafter, and schedule some time for coffee in the next couple of weeks. If no, that’s fine. You won’t resonate with everyone, and vice versa.

 

For instance, in going to the Scale Beyond Six Figures conference, I met 30 women. But I only became closer with a few of them. In going to the various Men’s Liberation events, I’ve met 30-40 men. But I took the time to reach out to a few of them with who I wanted to hang out more.

 

Don’t apply your logical, professional framework to an emotional, relationship cultivating journey.

 

I was deep in deep work as a concept. I wanted to do relationship building activities as a deep work session that was only done if it was on my calendar. But what I have found as the best balance for me is to do it in the margins of the day. While I would walk I would catch up on messages. After eating lunch, I would reach out to a person that I hadn’t talked to in a while to catch up with. In between deep work sessions, I would look up various events to go to and put them on my calendar. I’ve found the small moments in my day to cultivate these relationships. Now it’s a lifestyle, not just an activity.

 

I also created a Social Circles database, basically a CRM, to keep track of how often I want to catch up with people. Sometimes it was once a week, once a month, once every few months, once a year. Though I had good intentions of being purposeful with who I talk to and how often, this solution seems a bit reductionist and algorithmic in making genuine human connection.

 

Use excuses to reach out to people and stay in touch.

 

This is related to the point above about finding the idle moments to connect with people. If I’m on social media and I see a person’s story that I want to respond to, I do it. If I remember of see that it’s someone’s birthday, I text them individually. Of course it doesn’t signal publicly that you wished them a birthday but it does increase the chances of more real conversation than if it was a quick public message and comment on Facebook. I also received an email recently from someone who I hadn’t talked to in years asking a simple question - is there any way I can help you? I did take him up and asked for feedback on my writing. I asked him if there was anything I could do and he said no. These small things matter.

 

You buy in and work with people, not just their services

 

Even though I had only seen Lauren Widrick one time in person, I resonated with her energy. I felt the power of Langston White’s words and wisdom when I was in his Masterminds and a couple 1x1 chats. I felt the presence of Brian Strahine during his yoga sessions. I felt Mason Tomasek’s groundedness and intentionality. Their offers didn’t blow me out of the water, to be honest. But I felt their energy and trusted them. So I was bought into whatever they were working on.

 

Even though this lesson is in the lens of investing money into people, it applies just as well with investing time into people. If you focus on being around people you resonate with — your tribe — the rest will work itself out.

 

Ask yourself “Who? Not How” [credit: Dan Sullivan’s book of the same name] in becoming the person you want to be

 

I wanted to be a coach. I could have sought out an ICF certification to become more accredited. I could have listened to all these podcasts on how to be a coach. Those aren’t bad methods. Those are just ‘how’ solutions. ‘Who’ solutions would be ‘who can help me become a coach?’ ‘Who can teach me the ins and outs of having a coaching business?’ ‘Who can I help so I practice being a coach, not just vainly introducing myself as one?’

 

You hear about cool people, cool events, and cool things from other cool people

 

I used to think that going to Meetup, Eventbrite, Facebook pages, Googling “things to do in Charlotte this weekend”, or going to a site like visitkc.com were the only ways to meet cool people and network. Those are definitely fantastic ways to meet people. AND what I’ve learned is some of the best ways to hear about people and events are through others. I wouldn’t have known about Men’s Liberation if it wasn’t for talking to Brian at the YMCA after his yoga class. I wouldn’t have known about Lauren’s Slay Your Side Hustle if it wasn’t for talking to her during happy hour after the Scale Beyond Six Figures conference. I wouldn’t have heard about the Writers Conference in Overland Park if it wasn’t for grabbing coffee with Hazel Krebs.

 

It’s a virtuous cycle too. You’ll inevitably not just go to these cool events, but know the organizers of these events. When you follow them on social media, they’ll probably promote these events. So you go to more events filled with people you’ll probably resonate with. You’ll meet more people there and chat with them 1x1 later, where you’ll hear about more events. And the cycle continues.

 

I had a belief that you couldn’t learn as much people as you could from long form content like books. I actually looked down upon my 2ULaundry co-founders who would prioritize learning from people compared to those other sources. Now, I realize there is no right way. In fact, the books and podcasts themselves are more ‘how’ solutions. Whereas building your network is a ‘who’ solution. (Now you could translate that ‘how’ solution into a ‘who’ solution by working directly with the creator of that content, if they have such an offer.)

 

Do things you’re interested in or at least curious about. Other people with similar interests will also be there.

 

You must have activities you like doing or things you like talking about. Use that as the breadcrumb to go to events centered around those activities. For me, I was curious about and myself involved in entrepreneurship being at the 2ULaundry startup. So I attended the Scale Beyond Six Figures conference to see what was up. I really liked writing, so when I heard about the Writer’s Conference, I had to be surrounded by other writers. The suggestion here is simple: Ask yourself what experiences you want to have. Then do those experiences with groups of people.

 

It’s not what you know. It’s not just who you know. It’s who knows you. Bidirectional Association.

 

You’ve probably heard of “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know.” I heard the 3rd part of “it’s who knows you” from my brother. You want to increase not only the number of people you know, but the number of people who know you. You may think it’s automatically a 1-1 relationship, but not necessarily.

 

This is where I want to introduce you to the concept of Bidirectional Association. The first direction of association is increasing the number of people who think of you when a certain topic comes up. The second direction of association is what people think of when your name comes up.