What did I learn from my brief but deep friendship with _____?
That I should be looking for a best friend before a relationship in attracting my partner. That I can express myself in a better way than before emotionally. Though I still have a ways to go. To overcome my addiction and urges. To create a habit to talk to my parents every day. That I can talk to someone for endless amounts of time unscheduled and feel great and re-energized. That I was potentially willing to do long-distance if anything did continue to happen. To actually feel my heart broken, but that’s because I was attached to the physical ego and not understanding the full scope of a human’s physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual beings. To actually practice detachment from someone rather than just talk about it theoretically and not practice it. That I value truth over everything else, even if it means it makes me look bad. But I must reconcile that with telling people what I truly believe if it’s not something they’re ready or want to hear. That I could see myself in the story of a high-profile partnership. That going to bed with things unresolved is not a recipe for success. They have to be discussed so there isn’t any lasting negative feelings or intentions. That it takes effort and energy to be in a committed potential partnership, but with the right attitude, it can help provide balance. And that it ultimately should, not detract from it. That I can talk to someone and share with them anything that’s on my mind and I’m wanting to, even before they ask questions. To consider things from my parents’ perspective more often and not just be a spoiled middle-class kid. That I may be a different person when I’m not interested in someone romantically but still in contact with them. I can be cold. I can be condescending. So how to still have an amicable friendship after that point is still something I’m learning how to do. I have started thinking more these days of how the other person will think or respond based on my words or actions. I’m still improving it but it’s becoming a habit now, where it wouldn’t even register as a thought before. And so I think _____ has a good amount to do with that. That I can nerd out with someone and that I love opening up my side of that. That I was potentially flexible on even my education and financial future to potentially be with someone. To use this experience as a way for me to keep being a better human. Grateful to have had this time in my life. To really realize that I do have feelings and that I don’t need to or shouldn’t be holding them in. The belief that I don’t have feelings is not an accurate or beneficial one for me so I’m starting to flip that belief around. Oh, also, learned how to properly hold utensils when eating haha.
I think our souls were meant to cross for this brief time of 1-2 months for me to learn all these things and more. But now I need to detach from _____ and be a cheerleader from afar. Detach from the sense of how our souls became connected, but to not let the energy of that continue to linger. That we can each go our separate ways and to internalize that that truly is the Universe’s way of things unfolding naturally. Doesn’t mean we won’t or can’t ever connect, it just may not be with the same depth that we did in December and January.
Thank you, _____. Toodles.
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