What did I learn from my Houston trip? What are my overall thoughts from it? First thing is in terms of travel, I like the return on a Saturday night because I have all day Sunday to catch back up on stuff. It also gives me time to hang out Saturday for a majority of the day. I’m going to wake up early anyways so might as well sleep later at night so that I can maximize my day with doing what I want with who I want. The flight there was early morning and for departing and still getting work done for the rest of the day, I like that too. Don’t have to take the day off, still get work done at the airport, and be on my way to the events. So I’ll want to have a travel schedule like this next time as well.
Now for the wedding festivities. It was going that I got to see everyone in person after a few years. I had a similar realization / feeling after this that I had after RUTBAB 2021. That none of the people there were really in my 1st level of friends. Most of the people that I hung out with were in my 2nd and 3rd levels. If I think of it as circles [see pic].
I can have deep conversations with those people who are in those 2nd and 3rd levels, like _____ or _____ but I’m not in anyone’s first level of friends. So sometimes it felt like I was on bit of an island. Hmm, weddings are an interesting social experiment because it reveals who the couple’s closest friends are. It’s like tiers. Almost like that tiered system _____ was telling me about with hiring. These are fluid tiers. The thing is when there are things that bond people in my 2nd and 3rd tier / ring of friends, they momentarily become 1st tier friends but then return to that previous ring status. Events and experiences allow the opportunity for people in 2nd and beyond rings to temporarily become 1st tier friends. But then it’s up to me to then decide who are the people that I want to keep in my 1st ring. Do I even have any people now in my 1st ring? Do I even want that?
[Side note: can all my topics that I write about be categorized into my Life Domains?]
These events are like appetizers for who I want to get to know deeper. These events are not the most conducive to have the types of conversations I want to be consistently having. But that’s a perspective change. If I try to fit deeper 1x1 convos in this setting, it’s not going to be effective. But if I view a wedding as a way to interact with these 2nd and 3rd ring friends (and people I haven’t met before) to learn more about them to then become 1st ring friends (if I want to), then I’ll look more forward to them rather than feeling like my energy was drained from it. It’s like a funnel lol.
It may take time and energy to find those 1st tier friends, but it’s worthwhile. The people in my 1st ring though, even now, shifts constantly. It’s not stagnant MoM QoQ. I guess that’s a sign of growth. I’m actually not sure what my capacity for friends in the tiers are. Like quantitatively, I’d have to see how much Relating I want in maintaining balance. Then work backwards to see how much energy it takes to be friends with a 3rd ring friend. Then a 2nd ring friend. And then a 1st ring friend. Then I back into that threshold. Because I only have so much energy and time. And if I want to be intentional about my time, then I Have to be dedicated to that intentionality.
Another aspect to this is if I even need / want these 1st ring friends. Don’t I kinda like the fluid approach when some friends I will talk to more frequently for a period of time and then in naturally dies down. And it ebbs and flows. Don’t I like that I’m not tied to a single friend group takes a lot of my time and energy? It gives me more perspective when I’m able to have deeper connections quicker, even if they’re less frequent than what 1st ring friends would be. I’m interested to see how people feel about me, especially those that I have deep connections with but don’t talk to several months at a time. I’m not attached to any single person.
I have the freedom to be more of my X self with one person vs more of my Y self with others. I don’t think that’s duplicitous, but just almost like spreading out my entire self across my connections. Is that wrong? I don’t necessarily want to do that, especially if / when I attract my ideal life partner. But with the frequency with which I’m becoming a different person and rate at which I can talk to people, the two are not fully in sync. So naturally, there’s going to be parts of me that I don’t fully share. I think I just have to accept that.
Like being a CEO can be lonely in that position. They know so many people and talk to other leaders but at the end of the day, they make the final decision on big matters. They listen to everyone, or at least should, but ultimately the responsibility falls on them.
I think though I can make this quality of mine work to my advantage. Use events as ways to share experiences with people and learn more about them. I really like the introductory phase of meeting someone because I can ask away about who they are, what they do, etc. Basically like a networking event. I have to be willing to open up more about myself in that short 5-15 min with them so as to create a strong rapport. Then after I’ve done that, I need to follow up with the people who I want to connect with more deeply in a 1x1 setting. Then set up a chat with those folks and see how the friendship develops from there.
It’s basically like a sales funnel and sales process. Except of course, I’m not selling anything. I’m just attracting the people I need into my life. So maybe instead of thinking of a business sales process as that, I can think of it as an attraction process. That’s on the macro, or at least larger scale. Friendships are at a smaller scale, but equally, if not more, important.
Comments