Been a week+ since journaling. What do I want to integrate?
There’s tactical integration. Then there’s more identity-based integration. Journaling is a way for the latter.
How do I feel?
2023 is going to be the year and them of integration. When things simplify. I feel I’m going 100 mph. But balanced also. There’s just so much potential I have. I finally feel a bit of bandwidth opening up at work. _____ is starting to get the hang of things. I am starting to trust her on more things. Alex recommending that I keep delegating, knowing it won’t be done the way I exactly would do it. But that’s the beauty. They bring their own flavor to things.
I’ve had attachment issues that prevent me from doing it more readily. Attachment is the denominator in my balance quotient. If I attach less, I can do more. What are all the ways attachment has impacted me?
Physical attachment to items. I hoard items. All the garage sale items I still have. Not throwing things away in general. “You never know when that may come in handy.” Same with information attachment. Noting down everything. Even if I need it then or not. 2 schools of thought of capturing everything and then processing it. Then the other being only capture what you need. Where do I want to fall in there? I think from a capture perspective, I’m fine. I feel good about the volume of content I’m capturing. The thing is I’m integrating it into my life in some manner with the Me sections. So I’m already adding that layer. But I’m not organizing that integration. I’m integrating at a high level. I have the building blocks of how I’m going to integrate them into something tangible.
Back to attachment. Emotional attachment. Feeling connected to someone when I don’t need to be. Moving on. Acceptance. Fear of losing out. FOMO. Attached to my habits. Attached to my thoughts. To my creations.
Where does that originate from? Keeping onto things. Most things are a result of us lacking that in childhood. So I guess I didn’t have things in childhood. Or at least that was what I perceived. What things did I not have? Fancy car, big house (before me moved in 2007), gifts during Christmas. Idek if those are true. I don’t need to fully understand attachment conceptually to take the same action. Like if I know the action of throwing things away is what needs to be done regardless, then why delay that? Understanding is only useful to the point of action. I will gain an understanding of that feeling throughout that action. Not just conceptually understanding. Integrate / connect the conceptual understanding to the visceral understanding. So throw away things that aren’t giving me value right now or things I can’t integrate right now.
Emotional attachment. Actual baggage. I didn’t feel loved. Appreciated? Rejected. Attached to the result. Not the result I wanted was rejection. Not getting the right answer was embarrassment and shame. Self-shame.
Give myself more grace. Rejection only happens when you have an expectation. That’s what’s supposed to happen. I love myself. Forgiveness to myself. Forgiveness to others.
No should in language. Present tense preferred. To tell me that I’m already that person.
Love myself by doing less.
Not all these expectations.
Visions of who I want to be.
Just putting pressure on myself.
LOL but I’m a visionary, that’s what I do.
Labeling it. That’s branding.
Pressure to always be balanced. To always be in flow.
Things don’t always need a tactical action. Maybe a tactical intention.
Of giving myself grace. Self-love.
POI org chart integration. Integrate in the contexts of Process, Outcome, Identity.
Get rid of things.
Simplify.
That’s the intention and VNS (very next step).
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