Continuing from last night. Going out on a 1st date to Freedom Park and doing Tai Chi and yoga was magnificent. Couldn’t have planned a better one. Also got to chat with ______ a bit before and after all that to get to know her. Definitely seems like a person to learn more about. I’m sure she could go deep on topics with me for hours if given the chance. Definitely the earliest first date ever at 7 am lol.
Towards the end though, why did I say I also dabble in playing tabla and dholak? I think that’s again a pride and ego thing. ‘People will like me more if I showcase my talents and abilities’, my ego thinks. I could have just stopped at harmonium and khanjira.
There is still a belief in me to reverse that people will like me for what I do, not who I am. That I need external validation to build myself up. I can share that info from a place of love, but I think the intention was fear / lack / pride-based.
Really starts with schools, parenting, and other social interactions during childhood. Grades are an easy culprit. Standardized test scores. Even the quantitative pieces of a performance review now. An emphasis by everyone around you to have good grades and do well in school or not be yourself. Grades were not my self-worth.
Hmm, I actually don’t think grades in themselves were bad. They are data points. We measure ourselves in life, not just when we’re kids. I think it’s when we compare the scores and rank people based on that that many negative imprints are placed. Grades are data to help us learn. As are the intention with KPIs in a business.
Hmm, what are the KPIs in the education world that we should be looking at? Grades are a lagging indicator. I’ll table this question until I get to the Educational OS book that I’ll write.
Going back to the moment yesterday then, did I say that because I wanted to be ‘better than’ at something? That competitive mindset where someone is better than another. Could have more collaboration based on grades than fostering competition. Park that thought.
Let’s flip this belief from “I share my talents & abilities to receive external validation to boost my ego and pride to feel better than others” → “I share my talents & abilities to bring joy and inspire others, knowing that my self-worth is independent of that.”
I am grateful for learning this lesson in the interaction yesterday. I forgive myself.
Finally, the book and takeaways from there. One of the biggest ones is that I must start learning deeply about the topics covered in the book to continue understanding myself and the Universe. From astrology to metals to colors to chakras and more. I have a superficial knowledge of all this, if even that. So going deeper is something I desire to learn about.
Am I writing my book from a place of fear? Of lack? Of validation being sought?
It’s a combination of getting clarity myself, creating a legacy, people trusting me as an expert on a topic. Lol all of those can be viewed as selfish. Or they could actually all be from a place of love too. So it really depends on the intentions here.
Getting clarity is the easiest for me to justify. It’s a way for me to understand myself and the Universe better. Creating a legacy, as we’ve previously discussed, is partly, and almost has to partly be, from a place of fear. ‘My ideas will not get shared and that is a failure.’ Again, looking for external validation on something I place a high value on myself, or am good at myself. Things like harmonium, asking questions, creating ideas, etc.
I view myself as the hero of my own story. I will shape my perceptions so that the story I’m telling fall in line with that belief. Others trusting me as an expert, clearly external validation seeking. But the thing is people do say we should become the hero of our own story to build up that self-confidence. So how do I do that without coming from an egotistic place?
I am the hero doesn’t imply that the hero is always right. It means they overcome any obstacles in their journey of growth. Understanding that what I place high value on, others may not. I can’t be projecting myself or my beliefs like that. ‘My beliefs and values are others’ beliefs & values’ → ‘Seek to understand others’ beliefs and values, embracing that diversity.’
Reason I went down this rabbit hole is because I thought of and wrote down this point as I was finishing up the book. I can only seek to understand people’s beliefs and values if I connect with them.
Man, lots of beliefs that are being shifted towards ones that will serve me.
This growth is exciting!
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