Recently my mind has been revolving around feedback. Giving it, receiving it. Jim Kwik says "Feedback is the breakfast of superheroes." I should be doing more things that require feedback, whether positive or 'constructive'. In actuality, all feedback is constructive. Having an intention of wanting to receive feedback is a healthy place to be in I think. For example, in my first TLDR of Life course sessions Wednesday evening, I set the intention at the beginning of wanting to receive feedback. And at the end, they did give a few points of how to have better leadership presence, better delivery, and providing more examples of how deep I want them to get. I'm starting to get more comfortable giving feedback as well to anyone and everyone so I hope it only continues to grow. I need to continue failing every single day so I get that consistent feedback. But not just failing at the same thing. "Failing forward." So that my failures propel me forward. I think this session was me trying to allow too much freedom of direction and succinctness. I was trying to find that balance of sharing my views and examples with letting them go further down the path they've created for themselves. This was not horrible for the 1st time, and as long as they found at least one aspect valuable, maybe it was time well invested from their side and mine.
Decisiveness. Indecisiveness is strongly correlated to a perception of lack of confidence. I think questions are as well. And verbose ways of saying something. As well as speech flow. Unfortunately, I do all of these things. I have all of these attributes. Fortunately, all these are areas for improvement and mastery. Let's be more decisive with what I'm doing, down to the most granular item. Let's make decisions much quicker while balancing when to gather more information and opinions.
Questions may be perceived as diffidence because it may imply that I don't know something. This is related to indecisiveness because indecisive people will ask questions or defer making a decision. Recognizing when to ask questions vs when to make more assertive statements vs whatever other types of phrasing there are, I'll have to get better at. The thing is there are multiple types of questions. Inquisitive questions are fine. Looking to gather more info; learn about someone or something. Like the questions I ask in the journal. But in groups when a decision needs to be made, and you want to move things along, I just need to decide something, say "This is what I vote for. Who disagrees and why?" I love questions but I'm going to challenge myself to identify what type of question it is: an inquisitive or indecisive question, and proceed accordingly.
Verbose speech is one of my biggest areas for improvement right now. Can I say what I want to say in as half as many words. Being more direct with the point of my words. If I can't describe what I intent on articulating to a 6-year old, then I've made it too complicated. That doesn't mean using basic language only and not expanding my vocabulary. It means growing my vocab so that I have a range of language I can use to express my thoughts effectively. Finding the right balance of when to go deeper and explain more vs explaining it simply is something I need to improve. Understanding the audience will help in how deep I go. One of the biggest culprits is my clauses. I'll add in so many clauses to the main part of my message that it gets convoluted. People can't understand what I'm saying. Sometimes, I can't even understand what I'm trying to communicative myself. In emails and messages recently, especially longer ones, I've started writing 'TLDR' at the top so people get the message concisely if they just have a few seconds of attention. Again, it's recognizing whether they are going to be convoluting clauses vs clarifying clauses. There's a fine line between them.
Then there's speech flow. By starting and stopping so frequently, I may lose the attention of the listeners and the effectiveness of my message. I've recognized people actually talking over me even when I'm in the middle of saying something because my speech flow isn't smooth. Very choppy, discrete. Taking pauses to gather my thoughts in between sentences and even phrases / sections of words is a stepping stone to smoother speech flow. That way, it can come across as someone who knows what they're saying.
All the above and below things I can embody without falling in the brules of "confidence" the way it's typically thought of. I'd rather have quiet, unwavering confidence expressed through these means than a brulish one.
Confidence, leadership presence is what others see, hear and feel. There are probably more but these I've boiled down into what confidence looks, sounds, and feels like. It's aligning on the right place on the spectrum for the right situation across all these aspects.
See:
Eye contact: strong vs weak
Body posture: relaxed vs tense
Decision-making: assertive vs timid
Hear:
Questions: inquisitive vs indecisive
Diction: simple vs complex
Clauses: clarifying vs convoluted
Flow: smooth vs choppy
Tone: comforting vs discomforting
Pace: moderate vs fast
Feel:
Circumstances: acceptance of vs rejection of
Failure: fear of vs embracing
Presence: trusting vs distrusting
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