Made some great new friends at the Conscious Chilling Habitual Roots meetup event on Friday evening. Already got a group chat going and planning events with each other, like going to the library to see it before it gets remodeled. Part of me is thinking 'I want to meet more friends like this', while the other part of me is thinking ' I want to create deeper connections with these new friends first.'
The quality of the friendship can be disproportionately impacted by the first few times you interact with them. Not only that, but the frequency and the gap between those first few times is vital to how a strong and lasting friendship. Even if it trails off after that, as it naturally does, the depth of the connection will last. For example, I was almost talking every day or every other day with Sudha for the first few weeks when we first became friends. Now, we'll check in to see how each other are doing every couple of few weeks and it's happened naturally. She's living her life and I'm living mine. So it's almost like some sort of curve.
How do you make the quality and quantity of a friendship into an equation? Rate of change of decline becomes less step the higher quality and higher quantity you connect. So what's the normal rate of decline? Said differently, what's the half-life of a friendship? Half-life depends on how well the quality of that first interaction is. Let's say it's average quality: 5/10. How long before it goes to 0? Before you're relearning about each other? 1 week? 1 month? 3 months? 6 months? 1 year? I think even if you have the deepest of connections that first time, that can last about a year. So I'll use that assumption. For a 10/10 quality first connection it takes 1 year to get to a point that's approaching 0. It actually follows a half life graph I think. 100% to 50 to 25 to 12.5 to 6.26 to 3.125 to 1.5625 to .78125, etc. Ok so after about 6 half-lives, it gets to ~1. So then if we say that is equal to about 1 year, one half life is ~2 months. So graphically (see pic). It's asymptotic. It's approaching 0 but after you've met someone rarely does it ever actually go to 0. You never have to fully start over.
Ok so the question is is this the curve for all all 1st interactions? I think so, yes. The quality of the first one just dictates where on the curve you start. If it's a medium level quality connection, then it can start at 50, which means it only takes 5 half lives to get in the ~1 range. So now the question is how does this graph evolve as you have more interactions with them? Let's say 1 half life has passed since a 100 quality connection. So it's at ~50. So the graph actually stands. From the 50, if it's a 100 quality it goes up back to 100.
So the 2 variables in this equation are 1) how much do subsequent connection points increase the curve, and 2) how much does the half-life time scale shift based on that quality? If it's a 5/10 quality connection the second time from the 50, then it goes up that amount to 100. so 100-50 = 50. 5/10 + 50 = 50(1 + quality) = 50 (1 + .5) = 50 + 25 = 75. Then it continues along the same curve until the next interaction. (What comprises the quality of the interaction? That's a separate question for another time) So if it's a 5/10 connection quality that 2nd time, then I think it keeps going along the same half-life time scale of 2 months / half-life. If that 2nd interaction is 10/10, then it becomes 2x the normal timeline. So if 5/10 = 1/2 is average and 10/10 = 1 is 2x (see table).
The half-life time scale adjusts to 2x the quality of the interaction until the next interaction. So if it was a 2.5 / 10 quality, then .252 = .5, which means .5(current half-life) of 2 months → 1 month.
(see pics for some random tables and charts and equations)
Should the half-life time scale shift for future connection points be based on the most recent interaction or the average of all of them or a rolling average? I think average of last X half-lives, with it weighted with the most recent one being the heaviest weight.
LOL ok. So I don't think I got to a full final equation but I may enlist the help of someone in the future to formally come up with this complex equation. However, I have to be able to distill it down into its key points.
Essentially, what the graph and the concept indicates is that the more often and higher quality connection points you have with someone, the longer and higher quality your overall friendship will be with them. Alternatively said, the main variables in friendship then are: the quality of the interactions and the time in between interactions.
Again the exact graph is not very practical but it gives a general direction & framework as to how friendships evolve over time.
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