Need to get my thoughts out on paper again. It’s become less and less frequent that I’ve been journaling recently. I’d like to pick the frequency back up.
Viewing journaling as content is not a great mindset change. That’s secondary, not primary. Primary is diving deeper into myself. Learning about me.
Ran the marathon. Felt amazing to finish. Toughest physical feat of my life so far. I’ll hopefully look at it like nothing in a few years when I’ve done many more. I think I’d like to get into swimming next. It’s cardio, strength, basic life skill. If I’m ever going to do a triathlon, then I gotta actually learn swimming. Of course I’ll continue to run on the side. Swimming also puts less stress on the joints. At least I think so.
Going from straight from marathon to Akhanda bhajans does make for a great story. Even though it wasn’t as musically talented as many other Akhanda bhajans, it did feel nice to be part of smaller center’s. Going to RUTBAB is like being on the Steph + KD Warriors. This GAB was like the Suns in the bubble. 8-0 but still didn’t make the play-in game. It’s a different level but it’s fulfilling in different ways.
I get why superstars will be fine making their money on a bad team as long as they continue to be the guy. They feel appreciated.
Sometimes, it’s almost better to have the talent dispersed across smaller centers. They don’t get to have that quality music all the time. If I can help them vibrate at a higher frequency for a short period of time, then it makes sense.
The thing is it shouldn’t get to my ego. Ngl, part of me was humbled. Part of me my ego was fed. The need for validation. The reason I stopped going to center for some time during COVID.
The highlight of the entire weekend though was after GAB when a little girl, maybe 8-9 years old came up to me and hugged me and said “you’re awesome!” She held on for like a solid 3 seconds too. Never felt more humble in my life. I’ll always remember that moment. Like that’s the reason. That’s the bigger picture right there.
Idk who I’m a role model for. That’s only one instance of someone coming up to me. Imagine all the other people who felt like that but didn’t share that moment. I’m doing it for them too. Old or young.
It’s only going to get larger and larger, the amount of people I’m a role model for. So that means greater and greater responsibility. I have to wield it carefully and thoughtfully. It can definitely be a weight on your shoulders. But that weight can also make me stronger. That’s just how I have to view it.
Understanding in moments why my ego surfaces. Why judgment surfaces. That I don’t have compassion for myself in those areas. I have so much judgment still. Especially when I’m coaching _____. Like when that’s the topic I coach on it, but here I am not anywhere close to where I want to be with respect to that.
I ask that through coaching, work, and anything else, my judgment will vanish and my ego dissipate. And that my shoulders become stronger, not weaker, from bearing a visible and hidden and latent role model responsibility.
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