Why am I so arrogant? Why can I be so condescending at times? I say I pride myself in being a humble person, but am I actually? I think as I’ve started to really know more about the world and myself, I’ve started to project that knowledge as truth. And it rubs people the wrong way. The more I know, the more I think I have the right to tell people “the way it actually is.” That having more knowledge entitles me to give statements that are beyond reproach. That once I feel like I know something definitively, there is no room for learning. No room for questions. No room for growth.
I must say to myself “I am always learning.” Once I am closed off to learning, I may not ask the questions to truly understand the other side. And if I can’t understand the other person, then I’ve failed as any communicator. “I am open to hearing what the other person has to say fully.” “I understand where the other person is coming from.”
Right now I have a tougher time doing that. Ask “what experiences in their life have led them to believe what they believe to say what they said?” to myself in every interaction. If I can do that effectively, then I think I’ll naturally have more empathy.
And be more open-minded. Because I think I say I’m open-minded but I actually exhibit closed-minded thought and behavior patterns. Well so I think I’m open-minded when it comes to the world and how it relates to me. But I’m closed-minded when it comes to me and how I relate to people and the world.
Saying affirmations like “I am open-minded” is a good start. “How does what I do relate to others and to the world?”
In the TLDR model, I’ve grown so much when it comes to Thinking with myself, Learning with myself, Doing with myself, and Relating with myself. But Thinking with others, Learning with others, Doing with others, Relating with others is the biggest area for growth.
Going back to the question though, arrogance and condescension come from the belief, I think, that “I am better than you.” With racism, sexism, etc. that belief is represented and attached to something about a physical characteristic / trait about someone. But with this, it’s a characteristic that can’t be seen. But it’s real nonetheless. “Since I know more, I’m better than you.”
Hmm. Growing up I was taught that if you learn more, then you can be smart and go to a good college, get a good job, etc. The inherent belief in there is that you’re not good enough if you’re not smart enough to get into a good college, if you don’t get good test scores and grades. So in the quest to be better than others, I failed to realize that I’m just trying to be my best self. Not someone else’s best self or their version or projection of my best self for me.
Quantifying better than or less than with grades perpetuated that belief. I’d have to show people that I was smart enough just to get a seat at the table or be heard during a meeting. That insecurity then was dormant and has grown to the point where now that I am learning more about the world and myself, I have to display that learning so that people can see it. So I must replace this belief with one that has equality no matter what their knowledge level. Each person knows something, many things, that I don’t. By having this belief, I close off the potential to learn about that and them.
So it seems like this underlying belief is very similar from racism to sexism to this. It’s just manifested differently. Arrogance, then, is really just what I’m calling knowledgism. It may not be as direct as racism or sexism but it can be just as consequential. In my mind, I should treat it as severely as those things so I know that I am serious about addressing it.
I think going forward, it’ll actually replace racism and sexism, homophobia, etc. as a major affliction or prejudice that people have. Because we are in the age of information and more and more emphasis is being placed on knowledge, there will be a growing gap between those who ‘have it’ and those ‘who don’t have it.’ And so this knowledgism will be critical to address.
You can already see it in the US the last 5-10 years. People on the left degrade those on the right, especially those who voted for Trump, because they act with a higher moral authority. This is very generalizing, I know. But not just moral, but intellectual authority.
That’s what the structure of a college and overall education system has created. The people who have quantifiably gotten more education have a sense of intellectual superiority over those who don’t. We’re moving from an age of physical superiority (racism, sexism, etc.) to intellectual superiority.
The thing is we just chalk that up to arrogance or someone’s personality or demeanor. But it has the same underlying issues. One thing affects more people (generally) on the right politically and one thing affects more people on the left. But both come from the same place.
Now that can be taken negatively or positively. I think it’s a positive because that means you address the root cause of “I am better than you” and you can effect change in two groups that have that belief manifested differently.
So now with this knowledge, how will I Make sure I don’t discriminate through knowledgism? “This person is my equal.” “I am just as good as them. I am not better them.” “I am not superior to anyone. I am not inferior to anyone.”
I think having these beliefs is a decent start to overcoming my knowledgism.
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