AAAAHHHH!!! So much stuff.
Is it overwhelm?
Like I’ve actually felt more overwhelmed before but the workload has just increased.
How can this possibly be? How did we get here as a species? As a society? Even me as an individual. Just more and more and more. The busier we feel, the better because we’re doing something. Doing something = productive. We feel useful.
I look forward to the day that I truly set 100% of my own schedule. That life of full freedom. A lifestyle business. The day that I don’t do anything any longer than I want to. 10 hours / week is 10 hours / week. Not making exceptions all the time.
The thing is we are a team of people who love to do things that don’t scale. But we’re very quickly going to be in scaling mode. We need that expertise really quickly. So much work.
I’ve very rarely created my best work at 2U. Like my absolute best. World-class stuff. Is my value to the company through my tenure or my actual execution / skills / ability? How do I put myself more in those situations? How do I put others in these situations? How much of my overwhelm is just excuses with not enough time vs how much are they actually valid? How much shifting roles to accommodate people and their talents vs how much decide on an org structure and attract the right people? I have to be ruthless as Alex has become in actually choosing candidates. No means no. Yes means yes. Maybe means no.
Fucking miscommunication. That’s my word. My words and intentions are misinterpreted. I don’t communicate articulately enough to get my point across. People don’t hear my content because they see my lack of confidence in communicating something. I don’t share stuff proactively enough so there’s miscommunication.
Is that the / a lesson I’m meant to learn? I can communicate as much as I want through writing. But interpersonal communication happens through voice. I am at a 1/10 of that. My values have to change. My identity has to change. Proactive sharing. Work and personal. Expertise in field. It takes time and space for me to be an expert. I’m not afforded that time at work right now. I’m not sure anything I do will allow that. Something has to change.
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