Why do I have stuttering and stammering speech issues? The earliest I can remember having them is like 2nd or 3rd grade. At that time, I didn't really know what it was. In high school, it was evident in many situations. Throughout college and beyond, I've learned to mask it relatively well but it still pops up in certain contexts. Now, it's more likely to happen when I'm on a phone call with someone. In person or even video chat it's mostly fine but when I don't see the other person, I'm more inclined to start stammering. When I'm reading out loud, which was especially the case in high school, I'd get nervous when certain letters were at the beginning of words. That's why I'd always pass on reading the Thought for the Day at Sai centers. When I need to increase my volume, it definitely comes out more as well. So bars / clubs / places with loud music or something. That's historically increased my stuttering / stammering speech. Then speaking Telugu as well has been one of the worst. Then combined with talking on the phone where I can't see them, it gets pretty bad. The catch 22 is that the more I think about it or what I'm going to say, the more likely it is of happening. If I just speak naturally and be more mindful of slowing down and articulating my speech, I find that this isn't an issue at all. It comes from a place of fear, unfortunately, right now. How do I come from a place of love for this? Being grateful every time I talk, perhaps. I already do affirm and visualize myself having a flowing, effective, articulate communication so I know it'll only keep improving. It comes and goes in waves sometimes. Watching the King's Speech back when I did hit close to home. How can I take this as an opportunity to overcome and obstacle and ultimately use it to my advantage? I think part of the answer lies in my past lives. I think being able to access the past lives at some point will be massively beneficial in addressing and transcending this and anything else that may have accumulated over many lifetimes. I want to start putting together a list of things I want to specifically focus on when I do get to that stage of past life regression. Feeling that I'll be ready for EKAA level 2 soon when the opportunity arises. Definitely want to review Level 1 notes and practices before that though. Back to what I can do now though, I think just continuing to picture an ideal self communicating in all situations effectively subconsciously will invariably and inevitably lead to the development in who I want to become. But good to accept it more outright now and keep making progress.
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