Wow! What a day! (On Wednesday) I thought I had been procrastinating on watching Speak & Inspire for the last week but really it was just all building up to this moment.
So we had a text convo and she said only 1 sentence that changed my outlook entirely. “...I just really want to build a strong friendship first before jumping into relationship status.” That’s what I’ve been approaching exactly in reverse my whole life. Being in a relationship and then being friends compared to being friends first and then the relationship. I realized that’s what I’ve always wanted - to be best friends with my partner. But my actions had always shown the opposite belief to be true. And then seeing that’s what she wanted in her future relationship, I was like that makes so much sense why. Deep down, that’s what I wanted.
Like the concept of the friendzone is honestly a big belief in our age that’s held as a negative connotation. Like “you got rejected.” But really, I think it’s actually a symptom and another manifestation of ‘get-quick-rich’ type of thinking in society. Like we want to be in relationships and not have FOMO when others are in one and we aren’t. And the friendzone is rejection. That you’re not good enough. At least that’s what social media and our generation has taught us. But what if the friendzone is the best place to be? Where you’re free from being in a relationship and free to build a strong foundational, long-lasting friendship. The quicker you get into a relationship, the quicker you might fall out of one. It actually makes perfect sense to first build the friendship first and then the relationship. It’s like a strong foundation for a house that it can never get knocked over, regardless of external circumstances. The quick attention span culture has made it cool to be in a relationship quicker. To show that we can be loved and find love.
How does this relate to Speak & Inspire? I was watching the Q&A session and had paused it right after one listener had talked. Then right after I had this profound, paradigm-shifting moment, I saw only the next 2 minutes of Lisa Nichols’ speech before everything connected together. She was saying that we are afraid of rejection. We plan, plan, and plan and we’re afraid of hearing that first no from a potential client (coaching business situation question on the session). For me, I was always afraid of the friendzone because it meant no one loved me. That I wasn’t good enough. That I wasn’t good enough to be in a relationship. But what if I turn that friendzone brule into my friend? That it’s actually the best place to be free from romantic commitment yet permitted to create deep connections with someone. (Connection with the Lincoln quote of friend-enemies today too!!) From now on, I’m going to look forward to the friendzone as a place not of rejection, but of opportunity. Opportunity to build stronger foundations for long term happiness.
It’s actually also related to systems thinking lol. Systemic relationships lol. You raise the floor of the potential relationship by being friends first. So really, I should only look for people who want to be friends first, and if it so happens, then a romantic relationship. That’s when the delta between the floor and the ceiling can become realized. I predicted at least a 9.5/10 day. It’s been a 11/10 day!
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